The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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