Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
