you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
