Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
i believe in u and ur pee
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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