My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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