I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
