Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
