Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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