Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
