the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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