There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
