u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
