Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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