Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
