:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
