what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
