you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
