i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
