real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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