All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
