need another drink. this is the easiest way
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
