don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
