I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
