If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
