I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
