He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
sex in a hospital.. check
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize