he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize