i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
