im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
