Three words: puerto rican gang bang
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
