I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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