That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
