There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
