your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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