omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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