I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
