umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
