I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
