Walk of Shame. In a state park.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
