You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
