I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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