shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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