either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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