no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
