it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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