half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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