High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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