Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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