hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
