Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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