You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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