Please, let me fuck your mom
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
