She is in my trunk
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
