My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
