I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize