What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
