I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize