the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
