I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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