I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
