you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
