just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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