Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
