Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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