Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize