Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
it's great music for shaving your balls
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
