STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
