I'm lost and stupid without you.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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