erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
