Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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