I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Less talking, more tequila
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
